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// src/data/roastDatabase.js |
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export const roastDatabase = { |
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// MASSACHUSETTS |
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massachusetts: { |
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generic: [ |
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"Oh, Massachusetts? Where everyone thinks they're wicked smaht but can't pronounce the letter R to save their lives.", |
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"Let me guess, you think Dunkin' is a personality trait and you've told someone about the Sox within the last hour.", |
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"Massachusetts: Where people pay $3,000/month to live in a closet and call it 'character'.", |
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"From Mass? Your entire personality is Irish heritage you can't prove and opinions about Tom Brady.", |
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"Massachusetts: Teaching the rest of America that aggressive driving is a form of communication since 1620.", |
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"Ah, a Masshole! The only state where being called an asshole is a badge of honor.", |
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"Massachusetts: Where clam chowder is a religion and anyone who adds tomatoes is a heretic.", |
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"Let me guess, you've already corrected someone's pronunciation of Worcester today.", |
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"From Mass? How many times this week have you mentioned that you went to a 'really good school'?", |
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"Massachusetts: Where 'wicked' is an adverb and parallel parking means abandoning your car wherever it fits." |
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], |
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boston: [ |
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"Boston? The city that peaked in 1776 and won't shut up about it.", |
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"Ah yes, Boston, where 'parallel parking' means abandoning your car at a 45-degree angle with the hazards on.", |
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"From Boston? Let me guess - you think adding 'wicked' before every adjective makes you interesting.", |
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"Boston: Where everyone's either a student, a doctor, or someone who 'used to know Marky Mark'.", |
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"The only thing consistent about Boston is the inconsistent weather and the consistently terrible drivers.", |
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"Boston: Where bromance was invented and Matt Damon is still everyone's best friend.", |
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"From Boston? How's that vitamin D deficiency from your 300 days of gray weather?", |
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"Boston: The only city where people wear shorts in a blizzard and order iced coffee during a nor'easter.", |
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"Let me guess, you've spent $500 on Sox tickets this year but complain about rent prices.", |
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"Boston: Where everyone claims they're 'not racist' while living in the most segregated city in America." |
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] |
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}, |
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|
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// TEXAS |
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texas: { |
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generic: [ |
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"Texas? Everything's bigger there, especially the egos and the power grid failures.", |
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"From Texas? Let me guess, you've already mentioned how big your state is three times today.", |
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"Texas: Where 105°F is 'nice weather' and a light dusting of snow shuts down civilization.", |
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"Oh, Texas? The state that thinks it could secede but can't even keep the lights on in winter.", |
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"Texas: Where everyone owns 47 guns but is terrified of a vaccine needle.", |
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"From Texas? How's that $72 million high school football stadium working out while your schools need books?", |
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"Texas: The only state that spends more on high school football than NASA spends on space exploration.", |
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"Let me guess, you drive a truck you've never hauled anything in and wear boots you've never worked in.", |
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"Texas: Where 'Don't Mess with Texas' started as an anti-littering campaign but became a personality disorder.", |
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"From Texas? Must be nice living in a state where BBQ sauce counts as a vegetable." |
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], |
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austin: [ |
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"Austin? The city trying so hard to be weird it became basic.", |
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"From Austin? How's the live music you never go to and the BBQ you wait 3 hours in line for?", |
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"Austin: Where California tech bros go to cosplay as Texans.", |
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"Austin: 'Keep Austin Weird' was a lot easier before it became Silicon Hills.", |
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"From Austin? Let me guess, you moved there 2 years ago and now complain about all the people moving there.", |
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"Austin: The only city in Texas that serves more kombucha than beer.", |
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"Oh, Austin? Where everyone's a musician/developer/yoga instructor who can't afford to live there anymore.", |
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"Austin: Where the slogan should be 'Keep Austin Unaffordable'.", |
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"From Austin? How many times today have you mentioned SXSW or ACL?", |
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"Austin: Portland's less successful cousin wearing a cowboy hat." |
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], |
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dallas: [ |
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"Dallas? Where everyone pretends to be an oil tycoon but actually works in insurance.", |
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"From Dallas? The city with all of Houston's ego but none of the culture.", |
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"Dallas: Where the hair is big, the trucks are bigger, and the credit card debt is biggest.", |
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"Oh, Dallas? Must be nice living in a city whose entire identity is a soap opera from the 80s.", |
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"Dallas: Where everyone drives like they're qualifying for NASCAR but going to Whole Foods.", |
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"From Dallas? How many MLM schemes are you currently involved in?", |
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"Dallas: The city that thinks having money is the same as having class.", |
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"Let me guess, you're from Dallas but tell people you're from 'North Texas'.", |
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"Dallas: Where everyone's a Cowboys fan until they start losing, then suddenly they've 'always been too busy to watch sports'.", |
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"From Dallas? The only city where people wear suits to BBQ restaurants." |
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], |
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houston: [ |
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"Houston? The city built on a swamp and it shows every time it drizzles.", |
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"From Houston? How's that 45-minute commute to go 10 miles treating you?", |
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"Houston: Where the humidity is so thick you can swim to work.", |
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"Oh, Houston? The city with world-class museums that everyone drives past to get to another strip mall.", |
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"Houston: We have a problem... it's called urban planning.", |
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"From Houston? The most diverse city in America where everyone still lives in segregated neighborhoods.", |
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"Houston: Where zoning laws are a suggestion and your neighbor's strip club is next to a daycare.", |
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"Let me guess, you're from Houston and your personality is 'NASA' and 'diverse food scene'.", |
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"Houston: The only city where you need a car to get from your car to the building.", |
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"From Houston? Where every restaurant is the 'best Vietnamese/Indian/Mexican food outside of Vietnam/India/Mexico' but nobody can agree on BBQ." |
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] |
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}, |
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|
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// CALIFORNIA |
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california: { |
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generic: [ |
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"California? How's that $8 gas and $15 avocado toast treating you?", |
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"Oh, you're from California? Which wellness trend are you pretending changed your life this week?", |
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"California: Where everyone's a CEO of a startup that's definitely going to change the world... next quarter.", |
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"From California? Sorry, I don't speak yoga instructor.", |
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"California: Come for the weather, stay because you can't afford to leave.", |
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"Let me guess, you're from California and your car has a 'Coexist' sticker and $50K in debt.", |
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"California: Where the fires are annual, the earthquakes are overdue, and everyone pretends it's paradise.", |
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"From California? How many times have you said 'I'm not from LA' this week?", |
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"California: The only state where people pay $2 million for a house they'll lose in the next mudslide.", |
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"Oh, California? Where everyone's spiritual but nobody goes to church except for Instagram photos." |
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], |
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los_angeles: [ |
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"LA? The city where everyone's an actor/model/influencer but actually works at Starbucks.", |
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"Los Angeles: Where sitting in traffic for 3 hours is called 'the commute' and everyone pretends it's normal.", |
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"From LA? Let me guess, you're 'in the industry' and your screenplay is 'almost done'.", |
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"LA: Where nobody's from there but everyone's been there for 10 years.", |
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"Los Angeles: The only city where people name-drop their therapist like it's a flex.", |
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"From LA? How's that $30 juice cleanse working out while you're behind on rent?", |
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"LA: Where everyone's on a diet but the city runs on In-N-Out and Mexican food.", |
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"Oh, LA? The city where people take meetings about taking meetings about maybe taking a meeting.", |
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"Los Angeles: Where your car is nicer than your apartment and your Instagram is nicer than your life.", |
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"From LA? Let me guess, you're 'between projects' which is LA speak for unemployed." |
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], |
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san_francisco: [ |
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"San Francisco? Must be nice coding your way through life while stepping over human feces.", |
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"SF: The only city where making $150k means you need roommates.", |
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"From San Francisco? How's that $20 artisanal coffee and pretending the city isn't falling apart?", |
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"San Francisco: Where every app idea has already been funded and failed.", |
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"SF: Come for the tech jobs, stay because you're trapped in a lease you can't afford to break.", |
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"From SF? The city where everyone's changing the world but can't change their own underwear without an app.", |
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"San Francisco: Where 'disrupting' means charging $50 for something that used to cost $5.", |
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"Oh, SF? Where the hills are steep but not as steep as the rent.", |
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"San Francisco: The only city where a million dollars makes you middle class.", |
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"From San Francisco? Let me guess, you work in tech but you're 'not like other tech bros'." |
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], |
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san_diego: [ |
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"San Diego? It's like LA's boring younger brother who goes to bed at 9 PM.", |
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"From San Diego? The city whose entire personality is 'perfect weather' and fish tacos.", |
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"San Diego: Where everyone's either in the Navy, married to someone in the Navy, or sells real estate to the Navy.", |
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"Oh, San Diego? Must be tough having absolutely nothing interesting to talk about except the weather.", |
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"San Diego: LA's retirement community.", |
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"From San Diego? How's that craft beer belly coming along?", |
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"San Diego: Where people are so chill they forgot to develop a personality.", |
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"Let me guess, you're from San Diego and you've already mentioned it's '72 and sunny' today.", |
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"San Diego: The only city that makes watching paint dry seem culturally enriching.", |
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"From San Diego? The city where 'keeping it casual' became a terminal condition." |
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] |
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}, |
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|
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// NEW YORK |
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newyork: { |
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generic: [ |
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"New York? The city that never sleeps because the sirens won't let you.", |
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"Oh, you're from New York? We get it, everywhere else is 'basically Ohio' to you.", |
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"New York: Where paying $4000 for a studio apartment with rats is considered 'making it'.", |
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"From New York? Let me guess, you've already complained about wherever you are now.", |
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"New York: The only state that thinks a bacon egg and cheese can solve world peace.", |
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"Oh, New York? Where everyone walks fast to nowhere important and calls it ambition.", |
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"New York: Where 'I'll be there in 5 minutes' means 30 minutes minimum.", |
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"From New York? How many times have you told someone you're from New York in the last hour?", |
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"New York: Where everyone's in a rush to wait in line.", |
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"Let me guess, you're from New York and you think good pizza doesn't exist anywhere else." |
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], |
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nyc: [ |
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"NYC? Let me guess, you've mentioned you're from New York within 5 minutes of every conversation you've ever had.", |
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"From NYC? Cool, how's that superiority complex and vitamin D deficiency working out?", |
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"New York City: Where everyone walks fast to nowhere important and calls it ambition.", |
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"NYC: Where you pay $20 for a cocktail to complain about how expensive everything is.", |
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"From NYC? The only city where people brag about how terrible their living conditions are.", |
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"NYC: Where everyone's a 'creative' but spends 80 hours a week in finance.", |
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"Oh, NYC? Where 'I know a place' means a 45-minute subway ride to wait in line for 2 hours.", |
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"New York City: Where people are too busy to be happy but have plenty of time to tell you about it.", |
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"From NYC? Let me guess, you can't sleep without sirens and think trees are suspicious.", |
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"NYC: The city where everyone's networking but nobody has actual friends." |
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], |
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brooklyn: [ |
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"Brooklyn? Oh, you were into it before it was cool, right?", |
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"From Brooklyn? Which overpriced neighborhood that used to be affordable do you live in?", |
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"Brooklyn: Where the rent is Manhattan prices but you get to pretend you're edgy.", |
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"Oh, Brooklyn? Let me guess, you're an artist/barista/DJ who works in marketing.", |
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"Brooklyn: Where everyone's either from Ohio or pretends they've been there since birth.", |
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"From Brooklyn? How's that $8 craft beer and $15 grilled cheese treating you?", |
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"Brooklyn: Manhattan's hipster overflow tank.", |
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"Let me guess, you live in Brooklyn and your personality is 'I don't live in Manhattan'.", |
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"Brooklyn: Where gentrification is a spectator sport.", |
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"From Brooklyn? The borough where everyone has a 'vintage' something they bought last week." |
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], |
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queens: [ |
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"Queens? The borough that everyone forgets exists until they need to catch a flight.", |
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"From Queens? The most diverse place on Earth where everyone still stays in their own neighborhood.", |
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"Queens: Brooklyn's less pretentious cousin who actually has parking.", |
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"Oh, Queens? Where you can travel the world just by taking the 7 train.", |
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"Queens: Real New York, according to people who can't afford Manhattan or Brooklyn.", |
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"From Queens? Let me guess, you spend half your time explaining where in Queens you're from.", |
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"Queens: Where the food is incredible but good luck getting your Manhattan friends to visit.", |
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"The borough where you can get authentic everything except authentic New York respect.", |
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"Queens: Where 'diversity' means your landlord speaks a different language than your neighbor.", |
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"From Queens? The only borough honest enough to be named after royalty it'll never have." |
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] |
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}, |
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|
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// FLORIDA |
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florida: { |
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generic: [ |
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"Florida? The state where every news story starts with 'Florida Man' and ends with 'what were they thinking?'", |
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"From Florida? How's living in America's waiting room treating you?", |
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"Florida: Where the humidity is 200% and common sense is 0%.", |
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"Oh, Florida? The state where alligators have more rights than voters.", |
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"Florida: America's penis, and it knows it.", |
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"From Florida? Where everyone drives like they're qualifying for NASCAR while legally blind.", |
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"Florida: The only state that gets weirder the further north you go.", |
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"Let me guess, you're from Florida and your hobbies include hurricane parties and meth.", |
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"Florida: Where 'winter' is when you can open your windows for 3 days.", |
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"From Florida? The state where flip-flops are formal wear and teeth are optional." |
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], |
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miami: [ |
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"Miami? The city where everyone pretends to be rich on Instagram but lives with 6 roommates.", |
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"From Miami? Let me guess, you think 65°F is freezing and requires a parka.", |
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"Miami: Where every conversation is in Spanglish and every car is financed at 29% APR.", |
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"Oh, Miami? The city where the beach is beautiful but nobody actually goes because of parking.", |
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"Miami: Where everyone's a 'promoter' or 'entrepreneur' which means unemployed with a SoundCloud.", |
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"From Miami? How's that $18 cafecito and pretending you understand reggaeton lyrics?", |
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"Miami: The only city where people wear designer everything to shop at Ross.", |
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"Let me guess, you're from Miami and you've never been north of Palm Beach.", |
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"Miami: Where everyone drives a luxury car but lives with their parents.", |
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"From Miami? The city where being on time means showing up an hour late." |
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], |
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orlando: [ |
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"Orlando? Oh, you mean Disney's parking lot?", |
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"From Orlando? The city whose entire identity is a mouse and humidity.", |
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"Orlando: Where locals avoid theme parks like the plague but that's literally all there is.", |
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"Oh, Orlando? Must be fun living in a city where tourists have more rights than residents.", |
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"Orlando: The only city where traffic is caused by lost tourists and confused retirees.", |
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"From Orlando? Let me guess, you work at a theme park but tell people you're in 'entertainment'.", |
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"Orlando: Where the real magic is surviving on a Disney Cast Member salary.", |
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"The city where everyone's either serving tourists or trying to escape them.", |
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"Orlando: Where 'culture' means which chain restaurant to eat at after Disney.", |
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"From Orlando? The only city where grown adults fight about which Harry Potter house they're in." |
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], |
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tampa: [ |
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"Tampa? Jacksonville's trashy sister with a strip club addiction.", |
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"From Tampa? The city that wants to be Miami so bad it hurts to watch.", |
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"Tampa: Where the sports teams are good but nobody cares because they're all from somewhere else.", |
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"Oh, Tampa? The city whose biggest cultural achievement is hosting the Super Bowl sometimes.", |
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"Tampa: Where everyone's either in a pyramid scheme or selling pyramid schemes.", |
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"From Tampa? How's that 'up-and-coming' downtown that's been up-and-coming for 20 years?", |
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"Tampa: The only city where Ybor City is considered 'culture'.", |
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"Let me guess, you're from Tampa and your personality is 'boats and Buccaneers'.", |
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"Tampa: Where the humidity is so thick you need gills to breathe.", |
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"From Tampa? The city where everyone acts like they're from Miami but shops at Walmart." |
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] |
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}, |
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|
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// PACIFIC NORTHWEST |
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washington: { |
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generic: [ |
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"Washington? Where the coffee is strong and the passive aggression is stronger.", |
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"From Washington? How's that seasonal depression treating you for 9 months a year?", |
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"Washington: Where everyone's outdoorsy but spends 90% of their time indoors because of rain.", |
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"Oh, Washington? The state where flannel is formal wear and nobody uses umbrellas out of spite.", |
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"Washington: Where everyone pretends to love the rain but secretly has SAD lamps in every room.", |
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"From Washington? Let me guess, you're 'not really into labels' but have very strong opinions about coffee.", |
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"Washington: The only state where people brag about not seeing the sun for months.", |
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"Where everyone's either in tech, pretending to be in tech, or complaining about tech.", |
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"Washington: Where 'nice weather' means it's only drizzling.", |
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"From Washington? The state where everyone's hiking profile pic is from the one sunny day last year." |
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], |
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seattle: [ |
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"Seattle? The city where the Seattle Freeze isn't about the weather.", |
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"From Seattle? How's that coffee snobbery and pretending you don't own an umbrella?", |
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"Seattle: Where everyone's in a band that sounds exactly like Nirvana.", |
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"Oh, Seattle? The city where making friends is harder than affording rent.", |
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"Seattle: Where the only thing grayer than the sky is the personality.", |
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"From Seattle? Let me guess, you work at Amazon but 'hate what it's doing to the city'.", |
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"Seattle: The city where everyone's depressed but too polite to mention it.", |
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"Where passive-aggressive is the only form of communication.", |
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"Seattle: Where everyone's 'outdoorsy' but hasn't left their neighborhood in months.", |
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"From Seattle? The only city where people apologize for the weather like they control it." |
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] |
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}, |
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|
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// MIDWEST |
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illinois: { |
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generic: [ |
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"Illinois? The state that would be Iowa without Chicago.", |
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"From Illinois? How's that corruption and corn working out for you?", |
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"Illinois: Where every governor's retirement plan includes prison.", |
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"Oh, Illinois? The state bleeding population faster than a gunshot wound.", |
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"Illinois: Where the taxes are high and the tolerance for BS is higher.", |
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"From Illinois? Let me guess, you either live in Chicago or wish you did.", |
| 276 |
"Illinois: The only state where 'voting early and often' is a tradition.", |
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"Where everyone claims they're from Chicago even if they're 3 hours away.", |
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"Illinois: Proof that you can't run a state on corruption and soybeans alone.", |
| 279 |
"From Illinois? The state where everyone's moving to but nobody admits why." |
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], |
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chicago: [ |
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"Chicago? The city that puts ketchup on hot dogs and calls it culture.", |
| 283 |
"From Chicago? How's that third winter in April treating you?", |
| 284 |
"Chicago: Where the pizza is a casserole and the locals are in denial.", |
| 285 |
"Oh, Chicago? The Second City that desperately wants to be first at something.", |
| 286 |
"Chicago: Where everyone's tough until the wind chill hits -30.", |
| 287 |
"From Chicago? Let me guess, you've already mentioned the skyline and deep dish.", |
| 288 |
"Chicago: New York's insecure younger brother with worse weather.", |
| 289 |
"The city where 'mild corruption' is considered progress.", |
| 290 |
"Chicago: Where everyone claims their neighborhood is 'up-and-coming' while dodging bullets.", |
| 291 |
"From Chicago? The only city where people brag about surviving the weather like it's an achievement." |
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] |
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}, |
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|
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// CANADA |
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canada: { |
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generic: [ |
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"Canada? America's hat that apologizes for existing.", |
| 299 |
"From Canada? How's it feel being America's polite upstairs neighbor that everyone forgets about?", |
| 300 |
"Canadian? Your entire national identity is 'at least we're not American' and hockey.", |
| 301 |
"Oh, Canada? The country that's basically Minnesota with free healthcare.", |
| 302 |
"Canada: Where everyone's nice because they're too cold to be mean.", |
| 303 |
"From Canada, eh? Sorry, I forgot you existed for a moment there.", |
| 304 |
"Canada: The country whose greatest achievement is not being America.", |
| 305 |
"Where the national sport is apologizing and the national food is gravy on fries.", |
| 306 |
"Canada: America's attic where we store all the nice people.", |
| 307 |
"From Canada? Let me guess, you've already said 'sorry' three times today." |
| 308 |
], |
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toronto: [ |
| 310 |
"Toronto? The city desperately trying to be New York but with more apologies.", |
| 311 |
"From Toronto? The most exciting thing about your city is that Drake mentioned it once.", |
| 312 |
"Toronto: Where the rent is Manhattan prices but the culture is suburban mall.", |
| 313 |
"Oh, Toronto? Canada's attempt at having a real city.", |
| 314 |
"Toronto: Where everyone pretends they're multicultural while living in ethnic enclaves.", |
| 315 |
"From Toronto? How's that inferiority complex with every other major city?", |
| 316 |
"Toronto: The city that thinks having a CN Tower makes it worldclass.", |
| 317 |
"Where 'diversity' means different types of Tim Hortons.", |
| 318 |
"Toronto: New York's boring cousin who went to business school.", |
| 319 |
"From Toronto? The only city that makes Vancouver look exciting." |
| 320 |
], |
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vancouver: [ |
| 322 |
"Vancouver? Where the mountains are beautiful and the people can't afford to look at them.", |
| 323 |
"From Vancouver? How's that rain and fentanyl crisis working out?", |
| 324 |
"Vancouver: The city where everyone's outdoorsy but too stoned to go outside.", |
| 325 |
"Oh, Vancouver? Where foreign real estate money matters more than actual residents.", |
| 326 |
"Vancouver: Seattle's even more expensive, even rainier cousin.", |
| 327 |
"From Vancouver? The city where everyone's either in film or pretending to be.", |
| 328 |
"Vancouver: Where the sushi is great but you'll never own property.", |
| 329 |
"The most beautiful city you'll never be able to afford.", |
| 330 |
"Vancouver: Where everyone's liberal until you mention bike lanes.", |
| 331 |
"From Vancouver? Let me guess, you do yoga and your rent is 90% of your income." |
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] |
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}, |
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|
| 335 |
// UK |
| 336 |
uk: { |
| 337 |
generic: [ |
| 338 |
"The UK? Still pretending the empire exists while your PM changes faster than your weather?", |
| 339 |
"British? How's that stiff upper lip holding up with your economy?", |
| 340 |
"From the UK? Imagine conquering the world for spices and still eating beans on toast.", |
| 341 |
"The UK: Where the weather is gray, the food is beige, and everyone pretends they're fine.", |
| 342 |
"British? Your museums are full of stolen goods and your food is stolen from everyone else.", |
| 343 |
"From the UK? The country that gave us Shakespeare and now gives us Love Island.", |
| 344 |
"The UK: Where everyone's either posh or pretending to be.", |
| 345 |
"Where complaining about weather is the national sport.", |
| 346 |
"The UK: Desperately clinging to relevance like the last person at a party.", |
| 347 |
"From Britain? How's that 'special relationship' with America where we clearly don't think about you?" |
| 348 |
], |
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london: [ |
| 350 |
"London? Where it costs £5 to breathe and the sun is just a myth parents tell their children.", |
| 351 |
"From London? Must be nice living in a museum that charges admission to exist.", |
| 352 |
"London: Where everyone's either a banker, a banker pretending to be an artist, or actually broke.", |
| 353 |
"Oh, London? The city where stabbing replaced tea as the national pastime.", |
| 354 |
"London: New York for people who think seasoning is spicy.", |
| 355 |
"From London? How's that £8 pint and pretending the Tube isn't hell?", |
| 356 |
"London: Where the history is ancient and the prices are from the future.", |
| 357 |
"The city where 'affordable housing' is a comedy genre.", |
| 358 |
"London: Where everyone's worldly but can't point to Wales on a map.", |
| 359 |
"From London? The only city where people pay millions to live in a shoebox and call it 'charming'." |
| 360 |
] |
| 361 |
}, |
| 362 |
|
| 363 |
// AUSTRALIA |
| 364 |
australia: { |
| 365 |
generic: [ |
| 366 |
"Australia? An entire continent of deadly animals and people who think Vegemite is food.", |
| 367 |
"From Australia? Everything there tries to kill you and you're worried about drop bears?", |
| 368 |
"Australian? Your country is just Texas with healthcare and more dangerous wildlife.", |
| 369 |
"Oh, Australia? The place where 'mate' means friend but sounds like a threat.", |
| 370 |
"Australia: Where the internet is slower than the spiders are fast.", |
| 371 |
"From Down Under? How's it feel being upside down and irrelevant?", |
| 372 |
"Australia: British Texas with better beaches and worse internet.", |
| 373 |
"Where everything's trying to kill you except the healthcare system.", |
| 374 |
"Australia: Proof that Britain used to just dump their problems on islands.", |
| 375 |
"From Australia? The only country where 'deadly' is a compliment." |
| 376 |
], |
| 377 |
sydney: [ |
| 378 |
"Sydney? Melbourne's attention-seeking sibling with an opera house.", |
| 379 |
"From Sydney? How's that harbor view from the apartment you'll never afford?", |
| 380 |
"Sydney: Where the beaches are perfect and the people are insufferable.", |
| 381 |
"Oh, Sydney? The city that thinks having a bridge makes it special.", |
| 382 |
"Sydney: Los Angeles with more sharks and worse traffic.", |
| 383 |
"From Sydney? The only city where lockout laws killed the nightlife faster than COVID.", |
| 384 |
"Sydney: Where everyone's a 'property investor' living with their parents.", |
| 385 |
"Beautiful beaches, ugly attitudes.", |
| 386 |
"Sydney: Where the coffee's good but Melbourne's is better and everyone knows it.", |
| 387 |
"From Sydney? The city where 'culture' means which beach you go to." |
| 388 |
], |
| 389 |
melbourne: [ |
| 390 |
"Melbourne? The city that won't shut up about its coffee and laneways.", |
| 391 |
"From Melbourne? How's that unpredictable weather and predictable snobbery?", |
| 392 |
"Melbourne: Where everyone's a barista with a master's degree.", |
| 393 |
"Oh, Melbourne? Sydney's insecure sibling who read a book once.", |
| 394 |
"Melbourne: Where four seasons in one day is a personality trait.", |
| 395 |
"From Melbourne? Let me guess, you've already mentioned how it's more 'cultural' than Sydney.", |
| 396 |
"Melbourne: The city where everyone's in a band no one's heard of.", |
| 397 |
"Where wearing black is mandatory and smiling is optional.", |
| 398 |
"Melbourne: Portland before Portland was Portland.", |
| 399 |
"From Melbourne? The only city where being pretentious is considered authentic." |
| 400 |
] |
| 401 |
}, |
| 402 |
|
| 403 |
// GENERIC/DEFAULT ROASTS |
| 404 |
default: [ |
| 405 |
"Your location is so irrelevant, even Google Maps just shrugs.", |
| 406 |
"From there? I'd roast your hometown but it would require me to care about it first.", |
| 407 |
"Your area is so forgettable, even this roast generator had nothing prepared.", |
| 408 |
"I'd make fun of where you're from, but I don't want to punch down that far.", |
| 409 |
"Your location is like a generic brand cereal - technically exists but nobody's first choice.", |
| 410 |
"Oh, you're from there? That's nice. Anyway...", |
| 411 |
"Your hometown is the geographic equivalent of elevator music.", |
| 412 |
"From there? Even your GPS tries to avoid it.", |
| 413 |
"Your location is so bland, mayonnaise thinks it needs more flavor.", |
| 414 |
"I'd google your hometown but I don't want that in my search history.", |
| 415 |
"Your area's so unremarkable, even this burn feels like too much attention.", |
| 416 |
"From there? The place so boring, even the Wikipedia page is just one sentence.", |
| 417 |
"Your hometown's like a rest stop - people only go there when they have to.", |
| 418 |
"The most interesting thing about your location is that you left.", |
| 419 |
"Your area's claim to fame is people confusing it with somewhere better." |
| 420 |
] |
| 421 |
}; |